How to Deal With an Emotionally Abusive Boss - The Muse

How to Deal With an Emotionally Abusive Boss - The MuseHow to Deal With an Emotionally Abusive Boss For all of our sakes, I wish emotionally abusive bosses didnt exist. But I also know thats a big wish, and I dont know any genies (at the moment). I do, however, know several people who report to managers who yell constantly or make them cry. I know even more people whove been in that situation at previous roles. And the reasons why it took them so long to leave- or why they still havent left yet- are valid They cant afford to, theyre afraid to, theyre erleichterunging families, they dont know the next step they want to take.So, this article isnt going to tell you that the best move is to just quit (that said, if theres one piece of advice I can give its finding a way to get out as soon as you feasibly can). Im writing this for the people who cant leave right now and need help coping. And to make sure Im giving you the best possible advice, I turned to Alyssa Petersel, LMSW, therapist, and Founder and CEO of My Wellbeing.Figure Out What Stress Management Tool Works for YouI think stress management is really important, Petersel told me when we first sat down to discuss this topic. Everyone has tools that work best for them, and its about finding something thats cathartic. That might be exercising, or it could be watching something funny, or it could be spending time with friends and family. Moreover, seek support from others who have been in similar situations to help you feel less alone. If youre unsure of what might work for you, read this, this, and this.Create Physical Space Between the Two of YouPetersel also suggests setting boundaries- literal, physical boundaries Communicate with your boss when you have to, but then give yourself that space. This could be as simple as taking your lunch break or walking around outside the office when you have a free moment.This also goes for managing your boss outbursts. Says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert whos qu oted in a Forbes article about workplace bullies, When in doubt, if you notice a warning sign, get out of the way. Just as you shouldnt stick your face near the snout of a snarling dog, you should remove yourself from the path of a manic bully until things cool off.Embrace MindfulnessIf you find its difficult to physically remove yourself from your boss, meditation- at your desk or at home- can also help you put up a safety net When things get overwhelming and you need a little bit of space, but dont necessarily have the physical space or time to actually be removed from the situation, mindfulness helps you create space internally, says Petersel. You cant change your boss or fix his response to stressIf indeed your boss has tipped over the edge, no amount of perfection on your partwill helpWhat you can do is work on yourself, adds author of How to Be Happy at Work The Power of Purpose, Hope, and Friendship Annie McKee in a recent Harvard Business Review article. Free up some time fo r renewalmindfulness meditation has a profound impact on ones ability to stay grounded and manage stress.Heres one breathing technique Petersel suggests trying out when youre going through a tough encounter with your managerBreathe in for 10 seconds, hold for five at the top, and breathe out for 10 seconds. Breathing in will bring more oxygen to your brain, bringing you energy and clarity. Breathing out will release calming neurotransmitters, to help you stay grounded and calm.Find SupportBut at the end of the day, if you still find yourself struggling and need help managing the stress and anxiety, it may be worth visiting a therapist, suggests PeterselGoing to HR can be intimidating. Theres fear you can lose your job or it will be taken the wrong way or your boss will find out. Going to someone whos removed from the company helps you feel safe and gives you the chance to be vulnerable without worrying about it getting back to someone- a therapist will always honor confidentialityju st having the space to be really honest and open is important.If youre not comfortable with a therapist (or cant afford one), you shouldnt feel stuck. Surround yourself with a support network- whether thats your family, friends, or even the colleagues you work with, and lean on them when youre feeling lost, down, or upset. Its as simple as saying, Im dealing with a really tough boss, and I cant leave right now, so Id love if you could help pick me up or listen to me vent when things get especially bad.While it certainly may not feel like it in the moment, Petersel says, even the most challenging work environments ultimately become learning experiences. You may not be able to leave now, but by focusing on taking care of yourself, youll come to figure out what you dont want in your next manager- and be able to avoid finding yourself in this kind of situation again.And no matter what you decide to do after reading this article, memorize this and repeat it to yourself when things become too much You deserve a manager who treats you fairly.